Some days it seems like it is simply too hard to even get up from my bed. I want to snuggle back down under the covers and sleep the day away. On those days,the effort of living seems to be too much for me to handle.
It isn’t my illness that causes my feelings. This is something that I have struggled with for many years, perhaps my whole life. Most days and times I bounce right up and greet the day happily with a real sense of purpose and even on some days I have a plan of what I want to accomplish.
It is the difficult days that come to my mind more easily. I think that most people suffer with the same sort of issue. I’ve found that, for me, those types of days follow times when I have given up on something in my life. Times when I have felt like a failure. When something I thought I should do, I can either no longer do or don’t have the will to keep going after some sort of setback.
This is definitely true about times when I have had an exercise plan. I recall a period of time when I would run on my treadmill for at least 30 minutes a day. I did this for quite a few months. It was long enough for it to become a habit (30 days) and even subconscious habit (90 days).
I caught a cold and wasn’t up to it for about a week. I tried one day and couldn’t got for more than ten minutes without becoming horribly winded. That was it for me. I stopped and never restarted again. It seems like dialing back and starting over at a lower pace and a smaller amount of time was unacceptable to my mind. It felt like I was a failure and, having failed ,I was ready to move on.
The truth is, I wasn’t a failure. I just needed to start over. When I first started, I probably walked for 15 minutes and gradually built up to a run for a longer time. I simply needed to go back to my beginning and start over again. But I didn’t. I paid the price for not running at all in weakness and weight gain but I still would not start over again.
All I could do is remember the past and, it seemed, the future I expected was somehow beyond my reach. The present was something that I didn’t want think about much less to comprehend. I wanted to be back where I was even though it was impossible to wake up one morning and run for 30 minutes. With each passing day, the effort and time it would take to get stronger again grew harder and longer. I didn’t want to confront where I was. I didn’t want to acknowledge my new normal. I kept thinking that somehow I would magically be back where I started before I caught my cold.
I think we all have problems with seeing the truth of where we are. Sometimes it is because the past was so much better. Other times it is because the present is so difficult and hard because our past was so awful.
It is this feeling of wanting do-overs that has spawned a whole genre of books, movies and television shows. We want time travel to fix the evils of the past so we can have a brighter future. Amusingly enough, even the shows and books generally show that changes to the past result in worse and sometimes, catastrophic, changes to the present and the future.
There is no time machine for us. Whatever it is, the past is the past. It is gone and cannot be regained and done over. We need to learn to leave the past behind us and look to a future.
The problem is that we, as people, are part of the reason that life is so difficult. Whether it was by your own hands or by those around you, the bad or evil feelings of the past are the work of man. On our own, our future will continue to spiral downward. We will start something new and stop at failure over and over again. Because we are doomed to this in a fallen world that is broken beyond repair.
Is there any way to fix this and to have a better and brighter future? There is really only one way. There is God’s way. He is sinless and perfect. He is the brighter future. However, we are broken in spirit and cannot communicate with him as we are.
We need to have our spiritual life repaired and renewed. It is broken and dead because of sin. We are unable to stop sinning and also to atone for the sins that we have already committed. The price of sin is death and we are all guilty.
The only way to reach God is through Jesus. He came and lived a sinless life and died in our place. His blood and death atone for our sins. When you accept him as your savior and as the Son of God, your spirit is renewed and is broken no longer. You can communicate with God the Father directly. You can worship him, talk with him, ask him for help and guidance.
With God’s help, you can look to a brighter future. It won’t necessarily be happy and lovely and wonderful as man judges. However, it will be just the place that God wants you to be. It will be where you can do your work to further his kingdom and show the world that Jesus is its savior.
When that happens, you will begin to find joy in your present circumstances even if they are the same as they were before. Your hope of the future is in heaven and not on this earth. Nothing that the world or man can do to you will ever change that.
Put the past behind you, accept Jesus as your savior. Ask God to set your steps on the path he wants you to tread. Also, ask the Holy Spirit to be the voice in your heart to guide you on your daily walk. You can find your happiness and purpose, the reason to get out of bed every day (though it is okay to sleep in from time to time!) Look to the future with Jesus at your side and stop living in the failures of the past.
Philippians 3:12-14
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.
Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.