It seems that I take two steps forward and then one step back. At the rate that I am going, it will take much longer to walk my path. Thankfully, I’m not walking alone. When times are hard and I feel tired and weak, God takes over and gives me strength to carry on.
I’m not the most careful of people except when I try very hard. I do things that I have always done before without thinking that I am not the same. I’m changed and I’m different. I’m weaker and less self-sufficient. I need to learn the caution that will help keep me from getting knocked down again and again.
The most recent event was in moving the rolling stand that my notebook sits on. I had just switched from a light weight stand to a much more heavy-duty one as I needed the larger work space.
Well, I’ve pulled and pushed that table with ease until last week when it seems to have been caught on the carpet. I pulled hard and got it to pull into place but it was difficult. What I didn’t realize at the time was that the rolling feet on the cart had been set to lock and I literally pulled more than a hundred pounds.
When I has younger, that might have been nothing to be concerned about. But older and with my health issues, I should have known better. So I severely pulled my right abdominal muscles. That, in turn, pulled muscles on my side, then my lower back and, finally upper back.
The pain was pretty incredible – I’d take one step and then the spasms would make me stop and cry out in agony. I determined to go to the doctor to get medicine and see if anything further needed to be done.
While at the doctor, I showed her a rash that had just broken out. She knew immediately what it was and could guess why it happened. I had a case of shingles which had been brought on from the stress of the pain of the muscle pulls.
Shingles have their own kind of pain – like fire on the end of your nerves. We found out that there is a new vaccine for people 50 and older. One shot and then a second one two months later, and you won’t have shingles – period. My husband got his first shot and they told him I can start when I am off steroids so long as I don’t have an active case at the time.
That may be never as I am taking anti-rejection meds in place of steroids but they effect the immune system as well. When I see my fancy schmancy pulmonologist in December, I’ll ask him what he recommends.
So, I’m on a bunch of new medicines, none of which are pleasant and all of which have lactose in them. I’m severely lactose intolerant, so the cure is carrying a reminder that I don’t want to have to take these again, if possible.
I’ve had to scale back my arm exercises to only ten reps and not all of them at that. No weights instead of two four pound weights. I’ve also stopped carrying a weight when I walk. All of these things were making the abdominal pull stay in a severe state.
I’ve lost much of my progress but have learned a lot about myself and trying to take more care. To look before I leap and to think before I take action.
I’ve thought about the various set-backs I’ve suffered this last summer and realized that they were all brought on by my careless and, frankly, stupid behaviors. While I have had to stop and then start to move forward again, the way I have moved forward was in a new and better way. For instance, when I walked on a sore foot and had to stop walking, when I restarted I walked only two times instead of six or seven times a day. I walk now for an hour each walk but that leaves me the rest of the day to rest, exercise, craft, read or even write.
I also had to stop my standing leg exercises but with my easier, sitting ones, I am now doing the exercises without oxygen on. I will progress to standing leg exercises again at some point but it will be by using my own lung capacity without additional oxygen required.
When I dropped a four pound weight on my foot (I didn’t realize the table I set it on wasn’t stable), I had to put my foot up. Since I can’t use an ottoman in my chair (hip issue from the earlier issue), I started having a rest on my bed in the afternoon. That turned into a much needed nap time, something I haven’t done since I was five years old. It’s not long, maybe a half hour of sleep with an overall total of an hour for resting my foot.
With this new injury, so far the improvement has been with my arm exercises. While not doing weights and reps reduced, I am doing what I can but without additional oxygen. That would have have been a huge undertaking to try to accomplish at the rate I was going before.
So, good has come from each of the instances where I goofed up. I’m in a different place, it’s true, but there is a higher goal to reach and these new ways of exercising are the ones that I need to work on to reach that goal.
As I pondered these thoughts, I realized that the setbacks in exercise I have had could be compared to the times in my life when I have intentionally sinned and done so on an on-going basis. I would think life was going swimmingly and that I was responsible for everything good. That I had my cake and could eat it, too. Then I would do something I knew that I shouldn’t do and then my wonderful life would crash down on the ground in pieces.
Just like with the Israelites from the Old Testament, when my pain and suffering from my sins caught up with me, I would cry out to God to save me. And he did over and over again. Each time, he would pick me back up. He would set me back on my path. What was interesting to think about was that each time this happened, I would start my path on from a new and different place. A better place then were I was before.
Each time, I learned a new lesson. Each time, I’ve learned to rely more on God. Each time, I started from a spot that will bring me to the ultimate goal that God has for me.
There is a lot of I and me in this entry. But all you have to do is insert your own name and circumstances. God is there waiting for you. He’s ready to pick you up from your sins. He will set you on the path that he wants you to walk. He will give you tasks he wants you to do. If you sin again, like me, he is ready and willing to forgive you and to pick you up once again.
Our God is loving and forgiving. He loved us so much he gave his own son to die for us. Jesus came to earth to love us and show us how to live. Every follower of his, since he came to this earth, has been a sinner who still continued to sin even after they were forgiven.
Those sins won’t cause you to go to hell but they will stop you from doing the work that you were made to do. They will take you out of God’s protective hands. You aren’t here by accident or by chance or even because you were planned by your parents. You are here because God thought of you and knew you in all your sins even before he created this world.
There is something for you to do. Now is the time to do it. If you are Christian and sin is in your way, take your true repentance to God and ask him for his help. Learn from your sin and don’t do it again. You’ll start on your path again from a new and wiser place.
If you are not yet a Christian, Jesus died to save you. He knew everything about you. The worst thing, that secret thing that no one can know that you do or think about – he knew it. He still loved you. He loved you when you thought you were the worst and most unlovable creature on this earth. It was at that point, he said: I love you so much, I will give up my life so you can live eternally in heaven with me at your side.
All you have to do is accept his gift. Acknowledge that you need saving, that Jesus was God providing himself as a sacrifice. That because he rose again, you will live eternally beside him. Ask him to guide your path. To keep you from sin. But, if you do sin again, repent and ask for his help again and he’ll pick you right back up. His love will never leave you. He will never disown you. His love is forever and ever. Even when you goof up.
He has a plan for you as a follower. Something that no one else can do. His plan is right for you. It is what is best for you. Please accept him as your savior. That way you will be saved to eternal life and you will begin walking on your new, heaven bound path.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.