Month: October 2018

It seems that I take two steps forward and then one step back. At the rate that I am going, it will take much longer to walk my path. Thankfully, I’m not walking alone. When times are hard and I feel tired and weak, God takes over and gives me strength to carry on.

I’m not the most careful of people except when I try very hard. I do things that I have always done before without thinking that I am not the same. I’m changed and I’m different. I’m weaker and less self-sufficient. I need to learn the caution that will help keep me from getting knocked down again and again.

The most recent event was in moving the rolling stand that my notebook sits on. I had just switched from a light weight stand to a much more heavy-duty one as I needed the larger work space.

Well, I’ve pulled and pushed that table with ease until last week when it seems to have been caught on the carpet. I pulled hard and got it to pull into place but it was difficult. What I didn’t realize at the time was that the rolling feet on the cart had been set to lock and I literally pulled more than a hundred pounds.

When I has younger, that might have been nothing to be concerned about. But older and with my health issues, I should have known better. So I severely pulled my right abdominal muscles. That, in turn, pulled muscles on my side, then my lower back and, finally upper back.

The pain was pretty incredible – I’d take one step and then the spasms would make me stop and cry out in agony. I determined to go to the doctor to get medicine and see if anything further needed to be done.

While at the doctor, I showed her a rash that had just broken out. She knew immediately what it was and could guess why it happened. I had a case of shingles which had been brought on from the stress of the pain of the muscle pulls.

Shingles have their own kind of pain – like fire on the end of your nerves. We found out that there is a new vaccine for people 50 and older. One shot and then a second one two months later, and you won’t have shingles – period. My husband got his first shot and they told him I can start when I am off steroids so long as I don’t have an active case at the time.

That may be never as I am taking anti-rejection meds in place of steroids but they effect the immune system as well. When I see my fancy schmancy pulmonologist in December, I’ll ask him what he recommends.

So, I’m on a bunch of new medicines, none of which are pleasant and all of which have lactose in them. I’m severely lactose intolerant, so the cure is carrying a reminder that I don’t want to have to take these again, if possible.

I’ve had to scale back my arm exercises to only ten reps and not all of them at that. No weights instead of two four pound weights. I’ve also stopped carrying a weight when I walk. All of these things were making the abdominal pull stay in a severe state.

I’ve lost much of my progress but have learned a lot about myself and trying to take more care. To look before I leap and to think before I take action.

I’ve thought about the various set-backs I’ve suffered this last summer and realized that they were all brought on by my careless and, frankly, stupid behaviors. While I have had to stop and then start to move forward again, the way I have moved forward was in a new and better way. For instance, when I walked on a sore foot and had to stop walking, when I restarted I walked only two times instead of six or seven times a day. I walk now for an hour each walk but that leaves me the rest of the day to rest, exercise, craft, read or even write.

I also had to stop my standing leg exercises but with my easier, sitting ones, I am now doing the exercises without oxygen on. I will progress to standing leg exercises again at some point but it will be by using my own lung capacity without additional oxygen required.

When I dropped a four pound weight on my foot (I didn’t realize the table I set it on wasn’t stable), I had to put my foot up. Since I can’t use an ottoman in my chair (hip issue from the earlier issue), I started having a rest on my bed in the afternoon. That turned into a much needed nap time, something I haven’t done since I was five years old. It’s not long, maybe a half hour of sleep with an overall total of an hour for resting my foot.

With this new injury, so far the improvement has been with my arm exercises. While not doing weights and reps reduced, I am doing what I can but without additional oxygen. That would have have been a huge undertaking to try to accomplish at the rate I was going before.

So, good has come from each of the instances where I goofed up. I’m in a different place, it’s true, but there is a higher goal to reach and these new ways of exercising are the ones that I need to work on to reach that goal.

As I pondered these thoughts, I realized that the setbacks in exercise I have had could be compared to the times in my life when I have intentionally sinned and done so on an on-going basis. I would think life was going swimmingly and that I was responsible for everything good. That I had my cake and could eat it, too. Then I would do something I knew that I shouldn’t do and then my wonderful life would crash down on the ground in pieces.

Just like with the Israelites from the Old Testament, when my pain and suffering from my sins caught up with me, I would cry out to God to save me. And he did over and over again. Each time, he would pick me back up. He would set me back on my path. What was interesting to think about was that each time this happened, I would start my path on from a new and different place. A better place then were I was before.

Each time, I learned a new lesson. Each time, I’ve learned to rely more on God. Each time, I started from a spot that will bring me to the ultimate goal that God has for me.

There is a lot of I and me in this entry. But all you have to do is insert your own name and circumstances. God is there waiting for you. He’s ready to pick you up from your sins. He will set you on the path that he wants you to walk. He will give you tasks he wants you to do. If you sin again, like me, he is ready and willing to forgive you and to pick you up once again.

Our God is loving and forgiving. He loved us so much he gave his own son to die for us. Jesus came to earth to love us and show us how to live. Every follower of his, since he came to this earth, has been a sinner who still continued to sin even after they were forgiven.

Those sins won’t cause you to go to hell but they will stop you from doing the work that you were made to do. They will take you out of God’s protective hands. You aren’t here by accident or by chance or even because you were planned by your parents. You are here because God thought of you and knew you in all your sins even before he created this world.

There is something for you to do. Now is the time to do it. If you are Christian and sin is in your way, take your true repentance to God and ask him for his help. Learn from your sin and don’t do it again. You’ll start on your path again from a new and wiser place.

If you are not yet a Christian, Jesus died to save you. He knew everything about you. The worst thing, that secret thing that no one can know that you do or think about – he knew it. He still loved you. He loved you when you thought you were the worst and most unlovable creature on this earth. It was at that point, he said: I love you so much, I will give up my life so you can live eternally in heaven with me at your side.

All you have to do is accept his gift. Acknowledge that you need saving, that Jesus was God providing himself as a sacrifice. That because he rose again, you will live eternally beside him. Ask him to guide your path. To keep you from sin. But, if you do sin again, repent and ask for his help again and he’ll pick you right back up. His love will never leave you. He will never disown you. His love is forever and ever. Even when you goof up.

He has a plan for you as a follower. Something that no one else can do. His plan is right for you. It is what is best for you. Please accept him as your savior. That way you will be saved to eternal life and you will begin walking on your new, heaven bound path.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

The world looks at the church and isn’t too impressed by what they see. They see people who say one thing and then do the opposite. They laugh in scorn and accuse us of being hypocrites. What’s more, they are correct. We are all hypocrites, including those who stand and accuse us. Those who aren’t Christian don’t care about the label, they aren’t being held to a higher plane.

The thing is, that by being followers of Christ, we are expected, by our accusers, to be better somehow. That means better than they themselves are. That we are all hypocrites doesn’t matter. They see it in Christians as “proof” that there isn’t a God.

There have been at least three Christians I looked to for leadership who ultimately proved to be hypocrites of the highest order. For a time, I felt crushed but then I looked to God and realized that he was my leader. I had made the mistake of trusting these three individuals and looking up to them rather than to God.

Christians know that we aren’t better, just that we have already come to realization that we are sinners. We know that we have no way to dig ourselves up from the morass of our sins.

When we become Christians, in our thankfulness to Christ, we try to follow his ways. Some days we are more successful and other days we fail. It’s not that we have to always become better (much less perfect), its our efforts that Christ looks for. We are still doomed to sin because we are sinners in a fallen world. When we realize what we have done, we repent and confess those sins to God and then, with God’s help, leave that sin behind.

Sometimes, it is that easy. Other times, Christians continue to struggle. The sin may be addiction of some sort or other. It can take time to overcome it and, on the way, we may fail time and time again. The thing is that we continue to try to overcome with the help of Jesus and, over time, we can leave that sin behind.

The label hypocrite is really painful because it is undoubtable true. Each person in a church will admit it as it pertains to everyone but themselves. But, to some extent, we are all hypocrites if we say we act like Jesus. We are learning and one day, in heaven, we will completely overcome all sin.

Until then, we will probably continue to say one thing and do another. It won’t necessarily be about being Christian. It may be about work. It may be about our kids. It may be about how we spend our time or spend our money.

It is important to recognize this about yourself and correct it, especially with regards to Christianity. Otherwise, you are in danger of becoming hearers of the Word and not doers of the Word.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t study the Bible. You should read from it everyday. It is God’s message to you about how you should act, what you should do and what you should say.

Just be careful of becoming someone who merely studies the Bible. God didn’t intend for us to store up his message just for ourselves. He wants us to share his message with the whole world.

As Christians, we know that mankind was made in the image of God. We are his special creations who bear his likeness. As Christians, we should be reflecting God to the world. That should be shown in how we act, what we say, and what we do. People should look at us and wonder why we are different from everyone else. They should want to find whatever it is that we have and have it for themselves.

If you look in a mirror, you should see God reflected back along with your own image. If you see only yourself, then it isn’t surprising that you would walk away and forget your true image – that of being a child of God, created in him image. You might want to ask yourself if you have become someone who listens and then fails to put action to what you have heard.

Jesus had a particular disdain for those of his generation who fell into the category of religious individuals who merely study and who do not put it into practice. The Pharisees were the religious group who studied the Law of Moses and yet did not put the intent of those laws into their everyday lives. The danger is in becoming “religious” where you can talk about what Jesus said and did but never try to do what he said and did yourselves.

James 1:22-25

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it — not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it — they will be blessed in what they do.

Temptations abound around us. Everywhere I look, I see something new or different that I can try. Some things seem harmless and others seem the opposite. There is just so much out there that one can do or buy or watch or read.

It’s almost as if all of it is being provided as a distraction. If you are kept busy enough, you won’t notice the emptiness you feel inside. You will try to fill it with things or people or words or anything but what that void is actually made for. It is a God-shaped hole and only he can really fill it.

But we endeavor to find other answers. I have called my temptations by another name – collections. Yes, I have had many “collections” in my life. Unlike some people who focus on one thing, such as toys, or pottery or clothes or what have you, I have had mini-collections of many different sorts.

For a year or two, I will be obsessed with one thing, such as books, puzzles, dolls, fabrics, etc. I will look for and buy all that I am tempted by. Then I lose interest until the next thing catches my eye. Like other individuals, I have rationalized my put aside “collections” as something I will do when I retire.

It’s funny how life gets in the way. I became ill and was told to get rid of those collections as they were what was hurting me. As it turns out, after I got rid of much of them, the doctor who told me they were harmful wasn’t quite right.

Actually, in the end, in a totally different way she was correct. The burden of all of those temptation collections were dragging my soul down. Each time I thought of the total amount of them, it would make my head hurt. It also make me wonder what in the world I had thought I was doing when I was so intent on tracking each item down.

You see, I now understand that in giving into those temptations, I was actually giving in to sin. I was putting those “collections” above everything else and devoting my whole attention to looking for and buying them. It’s really not any different from the first temptation, when Eve was enticed to try the fruit of the one forbidden tree. Something different and out of reach suddenly becomes the one thing you really must have.

That the items in my collections were ultimately unsatisfying isn’t to be surprised. Sin may feel good for a time but, in the end, you are left in worse shape than when you started.

I know that many others go through this same cycle. I see it every day. It is like an addiction run wild. I have seen people fall apart emotionally, go to the brink financially, and lose connection with reality just in trying to fill their collections. Since only God can satisfy that empty place, their collection and filling it becomes a burden. It can also become something that isn’t used such as mine. You see, it becomes the visual of the unhappiness we feel inside.

For some, their collections are actually put to use. They buy what the will use and use what they have. That’s where I am at this point. I gave myself a more reasonable amount of hobby supplies. I am finally spending my time enjoying working with them rather than the endless search of looking for more.

At the same time, I have re-connected with God. Not that he ever left me. No, I was the one who looked every other way but to him. Having been stopped cold in my tracks and tethered to my house, I have been able to sit and think rather go and do all the time. Thinking has led to praying and praying has led to a renewed relationship with God.

The collections and their temptations have dropped away from importance in my mind. Things that I thought meant a lot suddenly seem trivial and not worth my time. I still love to craft and probably always will. However, crafting falls so far behind things of true importance in my life, that I have to schedule a time for crafts.

God is first in my life, then my family and extended family come next. My country is third and then the rest of the world rounds out the list. By putting God first, many other things come floating to the top. Sometimes it relates to family, sometimes to others but mostly it has to do with dealing with my own life.

You see, as Christians, we still are tempted. We still sin. It seems like it happens, in one way or another, every single day. By having my relationship with God first, I am able to go to him and ask for help in resisting temptation or to confess my sins to him.

It reminds me of the Israelites in the Old Testament. They were given blessings from God. They then started pursuing the worldly things. From their it was an easy step to start worshiping the “gods” they made with their own two hands.

While in those days they actually made physical idols, today we worship idols that are mostly in our minds. We create a “god” of someone or something and then we look to that god to give us the comfort, validation and fulfillment that we seek.

Of course, that will never really happen. We’re doomed to disappointment. Just like in the days of old, when the Israelites turned away from God, the world will crash in and try to destroy us. When that happens and as the Israelites did, we cry out to God to save us. For a time, God answered the Israelites and saved them from the doom they created for themselves.

But, in the end, he let Israel be ransacked and dispersed because their sin had become too great. Still, even in doing so, God promised them that in the last days, he would gather their remanent back together. That he would be their God and they would be his people once again.

Because of the unending cycle of the Israelites, I give a lot of thought to things I do these days. Even the things that seem good and fun and right. Sometimes those things would be okay but my motivation is what is wrong. Why do I want to do something? Why do I want to buy that thing? Those are the types of questions I ask myself these days. If the answer doesn’t line up with the Word of God, then it is something I need to pass on.

If you are like me and struggle with temptations, whether they be for things, people, feelings or otherwise, you need to know that you will never find an answer in the things of this world. These temptations are really addictions and the result of giving in is really to sin.

Ask God to help you with your feelings and desires, Ask him to guide you, hold you and keep you strong. Ask him to give you the strength to say no and to move on. To help you to spend your time in the ways that God wants for you.

This is something that I do now constantly. It seems like an unending process but I am finding it easier to say no each time. I hope this is true for you as well. God gives me strength to resist and will do so for you, too.

John 2 15-17

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them.

For everything in the world — the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life — comes not from the Father but from the world.

The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.

Whenever I attempt to do something on my own, it either fails miserably or, worse, if it is successful, it fails to bring me any joy. When I take God out of the equation, there is little left there to be good. It may seem, for a time, that things are going great. But when push comes to shove, I find myself coming up lacking… again and again and over again.

We humans have a tendency to think that we are what the world revolves around. That everything we think, do or say are pearls of wisdom to pass on to the next generation. We say things like, pick myself up and dust myself off and go do things my way. There’s of a whole lot of me in that sentence and absolutely no God. Some people even “quote” the Bible to justify their stance by saying that God helps those who help themselves.

Only one problem… that quote isn’t in the Bible. God doesn’t look for people who are strong and don’t need his help. Good thing, too, as no such man or woman exists or has ever existed. Even Jesus needed the Father.

God is looking for people who know that they are broken. People who know that they need help. People who are looking to him and crying out in their need. He wants people who see their flaws and their sins and who know that they need a savior.

So, why do we think that we know better? Why do we think we can do it on our own? I think it is the same sin nature that caused Adam to eat the forbidden fruit. At some level, we think we are the gods of our own destiny. That through our own efforts we will be able to make our path straight, our future bright, and our life peaceful and true. Sadly, this is true of Christians as well as those who have not yet met Christ.

It’s easy to forget how much we once needed God. How we broke down and confessed our sins and asked for Jesus’ help. We forget we once knew we were so lost that God had to send his own son to willingly die to pay for our transgressions.

For Christians, that doesn’t mean we have lost our salvation. But it does mean that we are living out of the will of God. When we move into that territory, we are also moving away from the protective hand of God. We start living in the world and for the world and by the world. So we shouldn’t be surprised when the world knocks us for a loop.

We seem to forget who is the ruler of this world. He is out for blood. He is a liar and a thief and a murderer. He wants nothing good for us and only bad. For non-Christians, he wants to be sure they never meet Jesus and accept his gift of pardon.

For Christians, he wants to stop us from doing the work that God has planned for us to do. He knows he has lost the battle (when Jesus died and rose from the grave), but he wants to bring as many more down with him as possible. He stands in the presence of God and points out everything we do, think or say that is utterly wrong. I’m sure he laughs and jeers and mocks us all. Especially when we try to do things on our own.

Whether you are sick or well, whether you are financial secure or on the edge, whether you have it all together or things are breaking apart, it doesn’t matter. In all things and at all times, you need God to be leading you. He needs to be front and center in everything that you do.

That isn’t a magic potion to make everything go great. What it will do is give you peace that you are not alone. That the battle is not one that you will fight by yourself. That, at the end of it all, God will love you no matter what. Even if you fail. Even if everyone else mocks you. You will have done God’s will.

Who knows why he had you do what he had you do? Who knows the mind of God? That there is and was a reason, there is no doubt. You may never see the fruit of your labor but, if you followed the path that God set before you and did the labor he asked of you, rest assured there is fruit in the future.

So, for those who think that they have to do things on their own. Stop it. Back up and ask God to help you. Ask him if he wants you to do whatever it is. Ask him to heal you. Ask him to provide for you. Then ask, no matter what happens, that his will be done for you.

Even Jesus wanted something different from God’s plan. Just before he was betrayed by one of his own disciples, Jesus prayed that God give him a different way. He didn’t want to die. But, he was willing to let God’s way be his way and so he submitted himself to death.

Jesus showed us how we should pray. He showed us how to submit to God’s will and plan. If Jesus could do it, then we should all be able to do it as well. It is hard to learn to submit and each and every time, the worldly part of me wants to object.

For some people, it is their physical prowess that they think will save them. For others, like me, it is their mental ability. So, okay, you can either fight your way out or figure your way out. Right. Not right. Look at the world around us. All of it in shambles. It is falling apart more as each day arrives. Our sin is destroying everything and yet we think we can fix it. Right. Not right. No way.

Brothers and sisters against each other. Parents and children at odds. Turmoil in the nations, fights among the races, hate for each other. Nothing we are doing is working. It is only making it worse.

Think of that the next time you think you can go it alone. When you think you have the strength in yourself and of yourself to fix whatever is wrong.

Don’t get me wrong. God will use you to do his work and your work will be successful. When it is God ordained and directed, no matter what the outcome seems to you, it is blessed and correct and exactly according to plan.

Christians, look to the Bible to see what God expects from you. The Bible is the Word of God and the instruction book for us to follow.

For those who are still searching, know that God has a plan for you, too. It starts with accepting Jesus as savior. He loved you before you were born. He died for you then, too. Even in the middle of everything wrong you have done, he still loved you and loves you and will love you. If you want to feel this kind of love in your life, reach out to the one who died for you. He has a pardon waiting for you. All you have to do is accept it and him as your savior. No good works, no special cases, no extra steps. Now, don’t wait. You don’t have a promise of a future, only of today.

On our own, there is nothing we can do. With God on our side, there is the world to reach out to. While the world will continue to fall apart as sin rips the universe in two, we can still love the Lord and help and love one another. It’s what he wanted us to do.

Psalms 39:4-7

“Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is.

You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure.

“Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom; in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth without knowing whose it will finally be.

“But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.