Admitting our mistakes and wrong-doing is really difficult to do. I know that it is for me. I generally get along well with and leave others alone. Except when I don’t. Every once in a while, I do something that I know, deep down, that I shouldn’t be doing. Yet, I do it anyway. Why, I don’t know.
Sometimes it is quicker to do something a little bit wrong than to take the time to do it right. Other times, I think that I’ll get something more by fudging the truth a bit. Still other times, I simply want what I want and I do what I have to do to get it.
In all cases, I’ve done something equally wrong. That’s simply another way for saying, I’ve sinned… yet again.
Both in my various readings this week and in the sermon our pastor gave on Sunday, I was reminded of two instances where I’ve knowingly been in the wrong. Two times where I sinned and needed to not only confess it to God (the easy part) but also, to go to the individuals involved and apologize and ask for their forgiveness (this is the hard part.)
I was teetering on conviction when I saw a video by one of the people involved where she talked about how difficult it is for people to apologize but how good it is to do so. Her graciousness slammed me in the head when I thought of how I had taken advantage of her.
Interestingly, one of the instances involved my actions of twenty years ago (with this lovely lady) and the other (with a business), my actions of about a week ago. Two occasions, separated by so many years. I knew that if I didn’t do the tough stuff that it would have its effect on both my relationship with God and with an industry that I am starting to relate to once again.
As I waited for the weekend to be over so I could approach the business that was closed until Monday, I wrote an email to the other individual. I told her what I had done twenty years ago. I didn’t offer an explanation but instead, I told her what I did was wrong and that I apologized and asked her for forgive me.
Monday morning, first thing, I called the business. I tracked down the individual I had spoken to the week before. I told her what had changed in the relationship between her company and my own in the past decade and then told her I thought that my actions the week before were wrong.
I can tell you that confessing my wrong-doing felt like I lost a great weight on my heart. Even though it was difficult and I didn’t want to do it, once done, I felt clean again. I knew that I could ruin my relationship with an individual I respect and sever a relationship with a company that I cared about. Still, it was the right thing to do.
Here’s where it gets even more interesting.
You see, the individual at the company listened to what I had to say. She asked a few questions about my business and then told me that there was no problem, I was still a customer in good standing. While I had thought I needed to fudge my intent with my work, it turned out that the reality of what I will be doing is more than enough. As far as the company was concerned, I had never done anything wrong.
When I got off the phone, I found an email response from the other person. She was not only gracious and forgiving, she told me that what I had done was more than okay with her. She actually wished I had told her what I was doing so she could have provided me with better information than I was able to scrape off her website. She then made some lovely comments and asked me to stay in touch. Now that I could openly talk to her without feeling the stigma of having abused her hospitality in the past, I could see that we could become friends.
So… in both cases, the people involved told me I had done nothing wrong. Does that mean that I hadn’t sinned or wronged them? Absolutely not. What mattered was my intent and my thoughts. My intent was to take advantage of situations and I went about it in ways that weren’t nice.
In the middle of all of this, my on-line Bible life group was discussing the need to apologize. One of the ladies mentioned the old movie saying “love means never having to say you’re sorry”. We all disagreed with the sentiment. To an individual, we all thought love meant saying you’re sorry whenever you hurt the ones you care about.
If it is hard to apologize to people you are only slightly associated with, it is like dragging a millstone around to apologize to someone you love. Is it because we don’t want them to think less of us? Is it because we don’t think we have to give them the same consideration that we give to others in a type of familiarity breeds contempt situation? I’m leaning toward the latter. We get complacent in our relationship and don’t give time or thought to the loved ones feelings and needs.
I think it is also because we hate to admit we are wrong. That means admitting that there is a better way to do things than the approach we have taken. We like to think, deep down, that somehow we are better than the others. That how we think, feel and act are the right ways. That if others would simply emulate us, the world would be a better place.
Except for those times when we know better. At least for me, I know when I’ve done something I should be ashamed of. I usually know it before I do it. I’m given that split second to pull back and do things a better way. Sometimes, I do just that. But other times, I go right on ahead. Not only is it wrong, it has become an intentional sin and not something that I did by accident.
Over the last year, I’ve been working hard on close relationships and learning to say I am sorry. I have also learned to tell others when something they have said or done that is hurtful to me. What I didn’t do was tell them how what they said or did made me feel.
That was a study note from our sermon this week. It was so important in our relationship, my husband took a photo of the comment to keep handy at all times. The comment that we will use from now on is: “When you do abc, it makes me feel like xyz”. Example: When you don’t listen to me, it makes me feel like I don’t matter to you. That is better than just saying I’ve told you this ten times already!
I’ve apologized a lot this week. I’m asking God to let me know if there are others I have harmed that I need to speak to. Perhaps he will reveal them to me now or will do so at the appropriate time. Whenever that is, I know what I will need to do. It’s important for Christians to confess their sins when they happen. We are saved but our relationship with God is still hampered by the weight of the unconfessed sins we have committed since the day we accepted Jesus as our savior.
Jesus told us so when he said: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24)
It’s so important that it is something we are supposed to do even before heading to church or into prayer. We have God’s forgiveness but we also need to admit and seek the forgiveness of those we have hurt.
Saying we are sorry is very hard to do. It’s at the base of why some people have problems with repenting of sin and accepting Jesus as their savior. To repent, they have to admit they were wrong. They have to say that they are sorry for what they’ve done. They then have to ask Jesus to forgive them and to accept the huge sacrifice that he made on their behalf.
Who wants to be so wrong that the Son of God had to give up his life and to take all of your sins as his punishment? Not many want to admit it but every single one of us is just that guilty.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… I’m as guilty as any and more so than most. My sins were killing me and I was ready to die. It was at that moment that Jesus revealed himself to me. I’m really that stiff-necked, you know. It took the imminence of death to bring me to my knees. I am so thankful that I took the chance and asked Jesus to be my Lord. I did it on faith and was rewarded with knowledge and understanding thereafter.
That is part of the deal. God wants you to accept Jesus on faith. That takes an act of your free will. Accepting a fact isn’t something that takes thought and risk on your side. Accepting Jesus as savior means stepping out of known fact and into the spiritual world.
Our connection with God is through our spirit and not through our intellect and mind. Having said that, know that there facts and logic surrounding every single thing that is said in the Bible. It’s just that until we have the spiritual connection once again, we are blind to the truth of God’s word. It’s like trying to read a foreign language without a translation key.
When you accept Jesus as your savior, it is like having the Rosetta stone engraved in your mind. With time and study, the Bible that seemed nonsense or inapplicable suddenly seems to have been written just for you.
If you have had problems admitting your failures. If you don’t like to say when you’ve done something wrong. If there are times when you know that you know that you’ve been wrong but are unwilling to let others know… there is someone you can turn to. Jesus knew everything you have or will do, say or think long before you were born. Even with all of that, he was willing to die to save you from an eternity without God. He wants you to be with him forever.
It is available to you but you will have to do the hard thing. You will have to say you are sorry for the sins you have done. You will have to accept that Jesus died so you could be forgiven. You will have to acknowledge that the God of all Creation willingly came into the world to take your punishment. Then, ask him to help you in the future and to guide your path.
Eternity is there waiting for you. It doesn’t take a huge sacrifice on your own behalf as Jesus has taken this one himself. What it will take is admitting that you have been wrong.
Please don’t let saying you are sorry be too hard to do. Saying you are sorry really doesn’t have to be the hardest thing to do.
1 John 8-9
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.