It seems like I can never stop talking these days. This is unusual for me. I come from a family of talkers and I was always the quiet one. I would sit and listen and observe but rarely would I have anything to say for myself.
In part, this was because I didn’t think I had much worth talking about and certainly less that I felt that I needed to communicate.
The one exception to this was in my school work. If I was in a class and a question was asked, I would almost certainly be the first one to raise their hand. In fact, one teacher had to ask me to stop answering questions because all of the other students relied upon my knowing the answer and because of it, they did not bother to study. I was so shocked by this that I agreed, in this class, that I would stop answering questions for the rest of the semester.
Sure enough, the first day, no one knew the answers and they kept turning and looking at me as if something dramatic had taken place. I sat and doodled on my notebook and never looked up. By the next day, several brave souls had studied and were able to give answers – whether accurate or not didn’t matter. They were having their voices heard.
Apart from schoolwork, I kept my thoughts and voice to myself. I enjoyed listening to others talk about their lives. This worked well for me because my life was not what most people would be considered the norm. By hearing that others had good lives and that normal things (though not always good) happened, it kept me from dwelling too much on the train wrecks which were more commonplace in my life.
When I was older, I recall going to a counselor as my first marriage was falling apart. I saw her separately and had to speak out loud for half of hour each week about myself. It was kind of like sticking myself with hot pokers and it took the full week to recover enough to do it all over again. But it was worth it as I wanted to be as healthy as possible as I was going to be raising my children pretty much on my own.
Fast forward a few decades to November 2017. This is when I was hospitalized with my current illness/disease. I was given little hope for survival and the large team of doctors decided to, essentially, throw the kitchen sink at me. One doctor listened to what (little) I had to say and thought perhaps I just might be suffering an allergic reaction. Because of this, she ordered massive doses of steroids.
It worked. I popped back up and started breathing and fears of my imminent death receded. The other thing that happened was that my mouth became unsealed. After a lifetime of keeping quiet, I guess I had a lot of things to suddenly say.
I remember thinking to myself (and still do from time to time), “who is this crazy woman and when will she ever shut up?” A nurse stuck a thermometer in my mouth and then he told me it was the only way to keep me quiet. When I apologized (at length, of course), he told me that it was okay. Better me talking than dead, which is what they all had expected to find as they came in to work each day.
I had no idea that steroids had such an oral effect on people. Given the circumstances, I can forgive the doctors for not warning me of the side-effects. After all, they had no idea if it would work at all. Also, in the end, they had to deal with my torrent of words and jokes, which generally left them laughing or at least plugging their ears.
Once home, it was interesting. My poor husband bore the brunt of it. He would ask if I wanted a snack and then get a ten minute dissertation on whatever I was researching that day. More than anyone in this world, I have been open and talked with him but this was much, much more.
Once I was off steroids for a couple of weeks, my talking settled down (as well as the overpowering need to eat something, anything even though I could barely taste food at that point.) Life took on a more normal hue and pace and quietness. That is, until I developed pneumonia once again in June 2018. Back on the steroids I went and am still on them three months later.
My mouth opened once again and words keep falling out. Thankfully, as the steroid is tapered, my need to speak decreases as well. My physical therapist laughs when I tell him I look forward to being quiet when I am off them altogether. He tells me that he thinks that genie is out of the bottle. I will taper again in a couple of weeks. After I get over the point of falling asleep without warning, we’ll see if my talking slows down.
I’ve met a number of individuals since my illness who all think I talk a lot. It’s become a bit of a joke in my internet Bible life group, with me laughingly pointing it out. Still, I would like to be quiet and keep a few thoughts to myself every once in a while.
The one saving grace is that I still like to listen to others and I do remember what they have to say. So when they can get a word in edgewise, it makes my day.
In the middle of all of this, we had a sermon at church this last week that talked about talking. It turns out that both men and women talk about the same amount each day – approximately 16,000 words. Some think that women talk more than men but that turns out to be a scientifically unsupported comment from years ago that has stuck around.
I think that men and women talk about different things and to different purposes. Most men want answers and most women want support. The interesting thing is that people only listen to about 20% of what others have to say.
Apparently, your thoughts move much quicker than the speech of others (though my speech is now pretty darn fast these days – kind of like a rapid action machine gun.) So, while we are comparatively slowly speaking our minds, our intended audience is off thinking thoughts in the playgrounds in their minds.
One wonders which 20% they hear? Is it the important part of what you had to say or merely a word every now and then that pierces through? So many disagreements are based on lack of communication and it is so frustrating when you KNOW that you KNOW that you TOLD that person what needed to be DONE.
So with all of us talking and so little of us listening, is it any wonder that we feel pretty much alone? No one gets us (because, frankly, they didn’t listen to us) and it seems like no one ever will.
It doesn’t help to meet new people because that compounds the problem. Who needs even more people not listening? But that seems to be our go-to answer. Keep searching for the one that “gets” you and will understand you and will then, of course, love you. Based on the science, that search will go on forever and will ultimately end in despair.
Looking to others for validation doesn’t work. We’re all looking for the same thing and, for a time, it seems like maybe the answer is found in another. That is, until the whole cycle of not listening starts all over again.
There is really only one way to find the one who listens to every word and thought that you have. That God knows how many hairs you have on your head tells you how important you are to him. He not only will listen to you, he wants to hear you speak. He wants to have communication and fellowship with you.
The problem is that the path of communication between God and man was broken years ago when Adam first sinned. As warned, when Adam sinned, mankind experienced death. The death was spiritual and immediate although physical death also came along with it. From that moment on, mankind as man was spiritually dead and God is a spirit, man no longer had open communication with God.
God is without sin and, being the just God that he is, cannot have sin around himself. In order to re-open the path of communication, there had to be a way for the obstacle of sin to be removed.
Jesus, who is wholly God and wholly man at the same time, came and willingly took the death punishment we each of us deserve for our sins. For those who accept Jesus’ gift of salvation and whose spirit is then reborn, the path of communication is once more open to God. This is something that is available to everyone and not just to a few. Jesus died for each of us, including you.
If you are tired of speaking and not being heard. If the effort of listening is more than you can bear. If you want someone who will listen to everything you have to say and who will speak words to you that matter, then look to God. He is always present, always loving, and always willing to spend time with you.
Remember, though, he is your Father and not your best friend. The answers he gives you may not be what you want to hear. But they are the answers that will help you through your present problems and help you to grow.
The only way to the Father is through the Son. God has told us that we can only approach him once our sins have been washed away. He promises that as far as the east is from the west, that once we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, that is how far our sins will be removed from us.
Accept Jesus and have the loving relationship with God that you were made for. He is there waiting for you but the first move is up to you.
Psalms 103:8-12
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.