I’ve recently been reading a blog about a woman who loves to stitch on fabric. She does cross stitch, painted canvas needlework and counted needlework. The blog is a history of her life, her stitching and of her oh-so sweet dog.
I started reading her blog from the beginning and discovered that she is also ill but with some illness that involves dialysis. I finally figured out how to “go back” in time on her blog to 2008 when she wasn’t ill.
She’s a very funny person and her occasional curse I can take with a grain of salt. I must admit I make sure to read through a page of her writing each day. At the rate that I am reading, I should be caught up in ten weeks. I think she is waiting for a transplant and hope that all is well with her once I am in real time.
I plan to contact her at that point and let her know how much I am enjoying her writing and her beautiful needlework. I must admit that reading is bittersweet as I know that at some point, the reality of her life will fall into chaos.
From the few days I read in real time, I can see that she is a fighter and is determined to make the best of her life though she is laid really low.
I can relate to her in many ways. I also love to stitch though needlepoint is well beyond the strength in my arms these days. Counted cross stitch is what I do (my own designs and those of others) as well as crochet, coloring, drawing, puzzles and reading. Her blog has re-awakened my desire to stitch and to create.
I’m also fighting an illness that dropped on me like a lead weight. So, while I can’t do many of the things I once did, I can still be creative in my own way.
Sadly, I don’t think I have the same attitude as this slightly younger woman. I am a fighter but I don’t find much in what has happened to be funny about it (well, except for gallows humor which my husband simply does not appreciate as much as I do.)
What I do have that she does not is the knowledge that God is in control. That he has allowed this challenge in my life to somehow work to the best for me.
This is a promise of God that I have had to cling to over and over again in life. Sometimes the wreck in life is of my own doing and sometimes it just appears out of the blue. However they arrive, trouble and sorrows feel the same. So much struggle and hardship. Though, along with that is a deepening of my relationship with God. Each time I seem to be out of control in my life, he steps in and takes control and rights my course.
I sometimes think it is because I seem to be hard of hearing when God is speaking softly to me. It is easy to ignore that small warning voice. It is so much easier to just do what I want without thinking of consequences.
Wouldn’t it be great if God would simply throw a great big red STOP sign in front of your face when you are going off the rails? I guess he could but then all we would learn to do is stop at a sign. We wouldn’t learn to rely on God and to look to him when making decisions and using our judgement and free will to make those choices. To learn, to grow, and to mature in the way that he is looking for in his children.
In a very real way, it is just like raising children. When they are young, you watch out for them like a hawk. As they get older, you have to let them learn to do things for themselves. I love when my two year old granddaughter tells me she wants “me do it” rather than have her Nana help. It means that she will learn and fail and learn and succeed and ultimately, be a responsible individual with the ability to make decisions and have skills to back them up.
My grandson is even more independent. He likes to play with his Lego blocks and create new and interesting structures. He’s four and is already so very creative. He will, sometimes, listen to instructions on how to make his buildings more stable and durable.
I am taking my lesson from my grandchildren. I like to do things myself but I need help, knowledge and instruction. I’m learning to talk with God throughout the day. When a challenge comes up, I ask him for help and wisdom. He is always willing to give me more wisdom in making decisions. He won’t make the decision for me (else what is free will for?) but he will give me what I need to know to understand the pros and cons of whatever is troubling me.
I speak to him directly, through Jesus and through the Holy Spirit. His answers are sometimes equally direct. Other times, I find my answers when I read the Bible or when I speak to other Christians. It’s amazing how many venues God will open for you so you can get the answers you are seeking.
So, while a great big red stop sign seems optimal; in reality, the soft voice of God is even more powerful. It is also filled with love and compassion.
I’m back on steroids to fight off pneumonia and, except for when there is cottonwood pollen, I am doing well. I am breathing deeper, walking further and faster though it is all relative. My walking rate right now is around 1 to 1.5 mph. I have a fairly aggressive exercise schedule because that is how I do things. If something works, lets try to amp it up and see what happens. If it doesn’t work, then back to where I was and see what next to do.
I’m up again throughout most nights but this time, I spend time with God and then he graciously allows me time to read (my first and most beloved hobby.) In the quiet and dark of the night, I can pull out my Kindle and have access to my books without waking my husband or feeling (oh so slightly) guilty for spending my time so indulgently.
While I am as physically ill as I have been in life, in many ways I can honestly say that my life has never been better. I look forward to each day and am thankful for my family and friends who are so encouraging. I want to thank all of those who have been in prayer for me. Please continue! God is simply not finished with me yet and I know that I need your prayers for whatever it is that he will set before me.
Also, if you would, please say a prayer for my cross-stitcher friend. That God would protect and heal her and, if she doesn’t hasn’t already accepted him, to knock at the door of her heart and let her know that all of his promises are for her if she will accept them for free.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.