Month: June 2018

I always wonder at those who cannot see that we have been made by a Creator and are not the happenstance of stars and such smashing together and apart again.

Intellect discarded evolution as a means of creation. (After all, the fossil record is nowhere complete – where are the four and six and eight and ten cell organisms? Where are the “tweens” between fish and bird and fish and land? One would think the record would be inundated with such and yet, they do not exist at all.)

I see the evidence of our Creator in everything. I “see” designs appear out of marks on the floor, the texture of a wall. I hear music from the sounds of the dryer turning, the refrigerator running, the jingling of the joints of a car as you drive down the street.

All of this is created in my mind from the world around me. I can’t stop hearing or seeing these things. I walk to the beat of this music that I hear. I stop in wonder of the face of a bird that appears suddenly on the wicker of a basket.

The real evidence of a Creator is that we ourselves are compelled to also create. We are made in the image of God, that means we are an extension of him. At least we were before sin entered the world and broke that connection into shreds on the floor.

Even so, we are still in the image of God and, because of that, we continue to reach for new creations. Some of these creations are good (in some ways like those of God in the first days); some creations are evil because we are evil due to our sin nature.

I look around at those whom I know and see the same evidence of creative work in their lives. A newer friend of mine followed God’s calling and left her old life behind in India to come to the United States to marry. Once here, she picked up a paintbrush and the most beautiful art starting spilling out. Her husband, one of my older friends, is a musician and can create wonderful melodies and stirring lyrics.

I marvel at my daughter’s mother-in-law, who can cut up fabric and sew it back together in beautiful arrangements that have shape and purpose in warming quilts for the bed. Her husband takes mica and wood and creates Arts and Crafts style lamps.

My elder daughter can create lovely art in traditional ways but also yummy and gorgeous art in the baked items she makes for her family. My son-in-law has stories that take birth in his mind and are written down for others to enjoy. My younger daughter is creative in so many ways, with traditional art, textiles and more. My husband can take a photo, a piece of wood and create intricate and delightful wood jigsaw puzzles.

Even my young grandchildren take blocks and create buildings and such. They take a jumble of a puzzle and create a picture from them.

For me, I have found that whatever my hand finds to work becomes something that I am compelled to create. I cross stitch both other artists patterns and those that I create to share with others. I crochet and knit warm scarves, hats and shawls. I color to create a world which reflects that in my mind. I have even taken Barbie dolls, remove off their hair, wipe their faces and reroot and remold them into postures that are pleasing to me with the face paint that and hair that I want them to have. There are so many creative avenues to explore and I want to try so many during the time I have on this earth.

There are times and days when I feel the music of God running through me. I want to dance and sing with all my might, just as David did. As I physically cannot do that due to my illness these days, I close my eyes and dance and sing to the Lord within the confines of my mind.

That we are compelled to create is not just an odd manner of behavior or something that we have picked up. It is part of us. We were actually commanded to create. God told us to be fruitful and multiply.

Creating a new individual is a blessing from God. It also contains the most important job we will ever be responsible for apart from serving the Lord. The care and nurturing and training of those who will follow us.

We have this drive to create and, on the surface, the world appears to be a beautiful and wonderful place. In actuality, it is a fallen world headed further and further into chaos. Our creations are a pale shadow of the reality that we were meant to have. When sin entered the world, everything changed. The beautiful creation of God was sent into a tailspin. From beauty untold to inevitable destruction.

Mankind, at its heart and separated from God, is evil. That is all of us, not just some of us. We all inherited the curse of sin from our father Adam. We, absent a new birth in Christ, are at odds with God. His enemy, if you will.

We want things our way and not the right way. We can create something lovely and think it good. At the same time, as a people, we create havoc and destruction and pain and suffering and death and think it a good thing, too. Regardless of the beauty or the evil intent, without Jesus at the center of our creation, it is all a house of cards. Something to behold but nothing of any real and lasting use.

The Bible tells us that Jesus was the creative force and that not one thing that was created was done so without him. Thankfully for us, Jesus is not done yet. He will, one day, return to this earth for the judgement. At that time, a new heaven and new earth will be created and it will endure forever.

I look forward to that day as I know that I am in right standing with God. I know that all of my sins, whether in thought or deed, will be read aloud. I know that, on my own, I am guilty and deserve the worst of punishments.

Thankfully, I am not on own. Jesus took my sins away with his perfect sacrifice. He willingly took on my guilt so that I could be presented to God as wholly good and clean. He died so that I could receive a Not Guilty at judgement. He rose again from the dead to show that his sacrifice of his sinless life had removed the sting of death from the consequences of that first sin and I, as well as others who have accepted this gift, were free from the eternal curse of sin.

I serve a risen savior. The creator of everything. His love is there for you as well. He died for your sin, too. There is no price for you to pay, no good deed to accomplish. There is only the need to accept his gift of love and to become one of his own. Once you do this, your life will forever be changed. You will have a place in eternity with Jesus, who as both man and God loved your so much, he could not bear the idea of eternity without you.

He is standing at the door of your heart asking for you to accept his gift. Please don’t ignore the calling of your spirit. You are only given today. Yesterday is gone forever and no promises are made for tomorrow. Today is the day to call upon the name of God to fix the broken relationship between you. Bring all of your brokenness to him and he will make you perfect and good and beautiful.

It is my prayer that you heeded his call and that I can now call you my sister or brother in Christ. That we will share in the time of the new creation and then be able to spend eternity together creating our masterpieces throughout the universe as God originally intended.

Revelation 21:1-5

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

One of the things that I most look forward to these days is when my grandchildren can come to visit. Because I’m on steroids (combating another bout of the allergic reaction pneumonia that I first experienced last fall, I’m somewhat immune suppressed. That means if the kids are not at the peak of health, we have to pass and not see them that week. It’s hard when that happens because we so look forward to it but we know it is better to wait and stay as well as possible.

We’re blessed to have children (both my daughter and son-in-law) who sincerely want their parents to be a present factor in the lives of their children. They go out of their way to make opportunities for both sets of grandparents to spend true quality time with the little ones.

I was lucky enough to be both well and have the time and energy to help out when my grandson had issues shortly after birth. He had successful heart surgery at age six weeks but needed someone to watch him during the days while he recovered and caught up with his abilities.

To have him five days a week and be able to really help him make progress in recovery is a memory I will always cherish. He’s almost five and the days of catching up are long behind him. He plays puzzles and Legos and likes to watch superheroes with us. He is especially drawn to my husband and my husband to him as well. It must be the Lego bond.

When my granddaughter was born, the kids had established a nice pattern of letting each set of grandparents take a grandchild one day per week so we could time with each child on their own. We alternated children/week and it was wonderful. On weekends, we would usually get to spend a couple of hours with both grandchildren at the same time (though at their home instead of at ours.)

My granddaughter is a beautiful and loving little one. Right from the start, just holding her relaxed me and gave me rest. She is definitely a delight for me to talk to and to play with. At almost two and a half, she likes to wear my jewelry, watch her Nana exercise, play puzzles and Lego Duplos when she visits. She also likes to get tastes of my lunch though hers is always much more appealing but after all, Nana’s food has to be good as well!

These days, the kids come to us as I have to be extremely careful about what outside environment factors I’m exposed to. They make the time and the effort to keep our relationships together. I know that it isn’t always easy and that it takes time away from their own family time. There simply aren’t enough words and ways to say thank you to them.

Being a grandparent is so different from being a parent. The heavy lifting is for someone else. The enjoyment of spending time with a child takes over and, maybe because we are in our second childhood, fun and games seem just about right.

As a parent, I had to consider everything. I needed to make sure my children did not get exposed to bad things and, if somehow they did, I needed to be ready to set in and intervene. I must admit that as a grandparent, this would still apply, at least for me. It is so easy for children to be caught up in things of this world rather than in loving and serving God.

It is in the family that the real order of things important in life must be set. It is a heavy responsibility but, apart from serving God, it is the most important one for an individual to have. If a parent puts God first, they will be able to raise their children according to his purpose.

My parents did not, unfortunately, have this outlook and I and my siblings undoubtedly suffered for it. I was a little bit better but as I worked ridiculous hours, I wasn’t as present in my children’s lives as I should have been. They surely suffered for that as well.

It’s a real blessing to see my daughter’s family. They are Christians and are raising their children to love God. What a difference it is already making compared to what I’ve seen and heard in my life.

It makes it easier for me to know that, should something happen to me earlier than I would like, my special little ones are so well taken care of. Not only with such loving parents but also with my son-in-law’s parents as well. His mother is a lovely sister of mine in Christ and just knowing that she is and will be part of the kids lives sets my mind at peace. She’s also very skilled in crafts and needlearts and will certainly teach the kids those skills as I will myself if I am given the time.

I would never have thought that life could turn around so quickly from the difficult days of my youth to such a beautiful and wonderful life for my family. I praise God daily for letting me see and experience this in my lifetime.

He has been good and kind to me when I did not deserve it. He loved me and guided me even when I was his enemy. His love is more than abundant. It is there for us just waiting to find it. He is my Father and it is he who teaches me, just like a child, to know and experience the real order of life. With God first, all things will come into proper order.

That isn’t to say that there are glitches along the way. It seems like every time I start looking at life by the Vicki perspective, I’m inclined to fall off of the path that God has set for me. It is so easy to start thinking of the way I think things should be. I have to constantly remind myself that I have to lean on God and not try to make life decisions without him. When the me in the equation starts getting too big, the results start skewing.

It’s taken most of a lifetime but I am finally able (most of the time) to step back and put myself into proper perspective. If I fail to note I’m putting my thoughts ahead of those of God, I have a wonderful husband who brings it promptly to my attention.

These days, I spend my time getting stronger. I’m eating better than I have in years and, as my daughter told me, though I’m really ill, I’m also in the best condition I have been for a long time. What diametrically opposed results! Only God could set this up. I’m learning to relax and to let him have his way in my life instead of trying to figure out what it is that I’m supposed to do.

I’ve found that letting God reign is the best way to live. What he asks, I’ll do, even when it seems more difficult than I could imagine. And when it turns out that I am able to do what I thought impossible, I give glory to God for the work he has done in me. It’s not me but a reflection of his love and order that shows through me.

Praise God for his plan even when it doesn’t make sense, when you can’t see your way, when all seems dark or so messed up that it can’t be fixed. He is working with you and for you. Give him your life and do as he asks and you too will become a reflection of his love to others.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

When I was quite young, on the surface, my father seemed to be a good one. He loved his children and played with them. He was big and strong and made me feel safe with things were scary.

The problem was that he was one of the most scary things in our lives. While he showed love and attention to his children, my mother bore the brunt of all of his anger and disappointment in life. He was mean and cruel to her in words, thoughts and deeds. There is nothing more traumatic for a child than to see their mother knocked unconscious. I kept wishing that I would grow up quick and be able to stop him from hurting her.

That she stayed with him for so many years is pretty much a miracle in itself. I was 12 when they finally divorced. My father walked away from his family with scarcely a backward glance. He headed for Florida which was one of the two states he could live in (at the same) from which my mother could not force child support.

We went from a middle class background to one of poverty overnight. My eldest sister had married and moved but there were still four of us at home with my mother who had a fairly low paying job. She refused to quit her job and go on welfare. While it was a good lesson in work ethics, it also meant that we had little medical and virtually no dental care. I almost lost my front teeth before a teacher noticed and got me into a student dental program.

My mother was also a serial abuser and, as she told me, I was her whipping boy.

I had been prescribed with glasses (which I desperately needed) but would not have the prescription filled for more than two years. While I did well in school before this happened, I found the struggle too difficult when I could not see the board from anywhere in the room. It was so bad that I learned the multiplication table by sound rather than by sight. I stopped going to school and finally, rather than give me up to foster care (which I really wanted at the time), my mother convinced my father to let me go live with him instead.

I arrived in Florida with all of my belongings, which were essentially, two shirts, one pair of pants, cheap sandals, and one set of underwear. When my father saw what I had, he immediately bought clothes to fill my needs and, within a week of arriving in Florida, I finally, after almost three years had glasses which allowed me to see and to once again start school on a good basis.

Even though I did not live with my father (he parked me with my uncle and his wife), I was much happier than I had been in years. That is, until my uncle started making advances to me. I was only fourteen and was quite an innocent. I didn’t understand what he was doing until it was almost too late. I would hide from him and glued myself to my aunts side. She was the one that finally convinced my father to move me out of their home. She told him I was misbehaving but she told me she did not want my uncle to abuse me as he had her own little sister.

I lived with my father for the rest of the year. He worked a lot and I was alone much of the time but that was okay. Things started falling apart when he started dating a new woman. The lady was wonderful and I really liked her; however, her teenage children were into the drug culture of the time.

When they went on dates, they would leave me with the older siblings. They would take the money I had for dinner and movies and buy drugs with it. They told me that they would say it was my idea (since I was worldly and from California, even though I was adamantly against drugs all my life.) They were getting into LSD at the time and one of them had a really bad trip. He was still threatening to kill himself when they came home that night. I was finally able to tell my father what had been going on. He believed me but was really unhappy to have his relationship dismantled. He started being petty with me about many things.

One morning, on the way to school, I told him what I had learned in history about the start of World War I. He disagreed with everything that I said and was really angry about it. All I could say was that what I had told him is what the school book and teacher told me.

I don’t know if it was because I didn’t agree with him immediately or if there were other factors at work but the next thing I knew is that he had hit me square across the face. He hit so hard that my head bounced off the car window behind me with a sickening crack. I sat there with blood streaming down my face and he said that I was never to disagree with him again.

I knew, as I sat there, that I had found my new monster. The one that beat my mother would be the one that would then beat me senseless. When I got home that evening, my mother called me for the first time since I had left California. She wanted me to come home. My elder brother had stolen her car and she was alone with my brother and needed help.

I made the decision to go with the monster that I knew well rather than than to go with the new monster in my life. I tread very carefully and did not disagree with my father and, when the school year ended, I headed back to California. My father was rather pleased because he could, once again, have his relationship with the nice lady back.

My first day back was the day that my mother beat me almost senseless and then gave her blessing to my newly returned elder brother to do likewise (though being careful not to hit anywhere it would show.)

I didn’t expect anything to be different but it was. It was much, much worse.

It would be years before I would speak with my father again. He came for my brother’s funeral and managed to steal belonging from my mother at that time. More years would pass and he arrived one day with a new wife and two step-sisters in tow.

By then, I was married and had two children of my own. They met their grandfather for the first and last time. From what I understand, my father was a good father to his stepchildren, providing well for them. He had no provision, love, or care left for his own children.

Apart from my elder brother who died young, we were all able to put that work ethic we learned from our mother to good use. Even more was that my two sisters and I became Christians. I can’t speak for my younger brother because religion is not a discussion point for us.

After my son died, my father contacted me once more but by email to tell me how sorry he was. After struggling with what to say to him, I turned it over to God. I was told that I was supposed to honor my father regardless of what he was and what he did. I knew that it was a responsibility of mine. So I apologized to him for not honoring him over the years.

His response was that he was not honorable. He didn’t know how to be a father because his father and mother had had him as an anchor baby in the United States and then sent him home to Greece to be raised by his grandparents while they had fun without having to raise their children.

We made up our differences and I found out that he, too, had become a Christian. He still carried the same prejudices and such but he was a brother of mine in Christ as well as my earthly father.

I never spoke to him again and didn’t feel the need to do so. I had made my peace with him and was doing as God commanded me to do. I honored him though I didn’t love him. When he passed away several years ago, I didn’t go to his funeral. It would have made a mockery of my relationship with him. My elder sister and my younger brother both had developed relationships with him and that was enough.

I had a hard time understanding the relationship of a good father because I didn’t have that in my life. That is, until I became a Christian and learned that God is my father and he is the best father there is. He wants only the best for me but will allow me to make mistakes and to learn from them though that means that sometimes I have to suffer the repercussions of bad ideas, thoughts, and deeds.

I am so blessed to have Abba father as the daddy I can turn to. I do so increasing over the years and it is this part of my relationship with God is so important to me I can’t imagine life without it. It is the work of God in our lives that can change us from sinful creatures to those who walk in God’s ways and paths.

I’ve also been blessed to see a wonderful Christian father take care of his wife and children. My son-in-law is a young Christian man who is bringing his children up well. He is infinitely patient and loves to spend time with his kids. He showers them with love while at the same time making sure they are accountable for their misdeeds. It has been a delight in my life to see this for my daughter and grandchildren.

So, as Father’s Day approaches, we should honor our fathers whether they deserve it or not. Our heavenly Father is good and perfect and just. If your earthly father was like mine, look to the heavens as I did. If you do, you will find a Good Father who loves you so much he wants to spend eternity with you.

1 John 3: See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

I’ve recently been reading a blog about a woman who loves to stitch on fabric. She does cross stitch, painted canvas needlework and counted needlework. The blog is a history of her life, her stitching and of her oh-so sweet dog.

I started reading her blog from the beginning and discovered that she is also ill but with some illness that involves dialysis. I finally figured out how to “go back” in time on her blog to 2008 when she wasn’t ill.

She’s a very funny person and her occasional curse I can take with a grain of salt. I must admit I make sure to read through a page of her writing each day. At the rate that I am reading, I should be caught up in ten weeks. I think she is waiting for a transplant and hope that all is well with her once I am in real time.

I plan to contact her at that point and let her know how much I am enjoying her writing and her beautiful needlework. I must admit that reading is bittersweet as I know that at some point, the reality of her life will fall into chaos.

From the few days I read in real time, I can see that she is a fighter and is determined to make the best of her life though she is laid really low.

I can relate to her in many ways. I also love to stitch though needlepoint is well beyond the strength in my arms these days. Counted cross stitch is what I do (my own designs and those of others) as well as crochet, coloring, drawing, puzzles and reading. Her blog has re-awakened my desire to stitch and to create.

I’m also fighting an illness that dropped on me like a lead weight. So, while I can’t do many of the things I once did, I can still be creative in my own way.

Sadly, I don’t think I have the same attitude as this slightly younger woman. I am a fighter but I don’t find much in what has happened to be funny about it (well, except for gallows humor which my husband simply does not appreciate as much as I do.)

What I do have that she does not is the knowledge that God is in control. That he has allowed this challenge in my life to somehow work to the best for me.

This is a promise of God that I have had to cling to over and over again in life. Sometimes the wreck in life is of my own doing and sometimes it just appears out of the blue. However they arrive, trouble and sorrows feel the same. So much struggle and hardship. Though, along with that is a deepening of my relationship with God. Each time I seem to be out of control in my life, he steps in and takes control and rights my course.

I sometimes think it is because I seem to be hard of hearing when God is speaking softly to me. It is easy to ignore that small warning voice. It is so much easier to just do what I want without thinking of consequences.

Wouldn’t it be great if God would simply throw a great big red STOP sign in front of your face when you are going off the rails? I guess he could but then all we would learn to do is stop at a sign. We wouldn’t learn to rely on God and to look to him when making decisions and using our judgement and free will to make those choices. To learn, to grow, and to mature in the way that he is looking for in his children.

In a very real way, it is just like raising children. When they are young, you watch out for them like a hawk. As they get older, you have to let them learn to do things for themselves. I love when my two year old granddaughter tells me she wants “me do it” rather than have her Nana help. It means that she will learn and fail and learn and succeed and ultimately, be a responsible individual with the ability to make decisions and have skills to back them up.

My grandson is even more independent. He likes to play with his Lego blocks and create new and interesting structures. He’s four and is already so very creative. He will, sometimes, listen to instructions on how to make his buildings more stable and durable.

I am taking my lesson from my grandchildren. I like to do things myself but I need help, knowledge and instruction. I’m learning to talk with God throughout the day. When a challenge comes up, I ask him for help and wisdom. He is always willing to give me more wisdom in making decisions. He won’t make the decision for me (else what is free will for?) but he will give me what I need to know to understand the pros and cons of whatever is troubling me.

I speak to him directly, through Jesus and through the Holy Spirit. His answers are sometimes equally direct. Other times, I find my answers when I read the Bible or when I speak to other Christians. It’s amazing how many venues God will open for you so you can get the answers you are seeking.

So, while a great big red stop sign seems optimal; in reality, the soft voice of God is even more powerful. It is also filled with love and compassion.

I’m back on steroids to fight off pneumonia and, except for when there is cottonwood pollen, I am doing well. I am breathing deeper, walking further and faster though it is all relative. My walking rate right now is around 1 to 1.5 mph. I have a fairly aggressive exercise schedule because that is how I do things. If something works, lets try to amp it up and see what happens. If it doesn’t work, then back to where I was and see what next to do.

I’m up again throughout most nights but this time, I spend time with God and then he graciously allows me time to read (my first and most beloved hobby.) In the quiet and dark of the night, I can pull out my Kindle and have access to my books without waking my husband or feeling (oh so slightly) guilty for spending my time so indulgently.

While I am as physically ill as I have been in life, in many ways I can honestly say that my life has never been better. I look forward to each day and am thankful for my family and friends who are so encouraging. I want to thank all of those who have been in prayer for me. Please continue! God is simply not finished with me yet and I know that I need your prayers for whatever it is that he will set before me.

Also, if you would, please say a prayer for my cross-stitcher friend. That God would protect and heal her and, if she doesn’t hasn’t already accepted him, to knock at the door of her heart and let her know that all of his promises are for her if she will accept them for free.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Life is hectic. It seems like everyday, more and more piles up and gets backtracked and sometimes, simply shoved away and forgotten. It is the “high priority” list that is most likely to be accomplished. That generally means that we are working at breakneck speed, thinking that somehow, once these tasks are done, then some of the less stressful jobs can be taken on.

Somehow, that rarely happens. Living at this type of stress level can play havoc with you physically, emotionally and spiritually as well. While I can’t speak for the actual physical detriment of high stress living, I know that I have suffered from physical and emotional issues which have been caused by stress.

My last job (apart from the businesses I have run since) was a high stress position that required an enormous amount of travel. I joked that I had made Platinum status just on my travel between Los Angeles and Silicone Valley.

But seriously, I did. That didn’t include travel to spots around the country and to other countries as well. Just the travel was enough to bring an enormous level of stress to my life, let alone that I was negotiating multi-million dollars software contracts for a well-known software company. At first, the travel was exciting but it became not only tedious but something I began to dread. Before I would even leave, I wanted to be home again. I was also exhausted and feeling defeated before I even left.

It came to a screeching halt for me when my son became ill and passed away. I no longer had any desire to leave my home base. I wanted nothing more than to spend my time with my family. When the travel began to ramp up again, I waited a full year before quitting my job just to be sure it wasn’t an over reaction to my son’s passing. When I told my doctor that I had quit, all he said was, “Thank God. That job was killing you.”

However, it didn’t take me long to build my stress level back up somewhat. I had started a successful company and used the enormous work it entailed as a way to hide and let my emotions work themselves out after the loss of my son. It took six years before my husband and I decided to shut it down and let others take over the market. I wasn’t dedicated to it and they were. Again, my levels of stress reduced.

We moved to Texas and, while my work stress was gone, suddenly I had physical stress due to many allergies that I did not previously know existed. The worst of these is from something called Mountain Cedar. We lived in the nature preserve area of Austin where these trees grew in wild abandon. The allergy is so bad, it is considered a toxin and it was for me. While in Austin, I started yet another company. This one was fun and the stress was not bad at all.

When it became unbearable after seven years (and my husband started exhibited symptoms), we moved to North Texas. While the Cedar fever ramped down, suddenly I was confronted by another range of trees and my own drive to accomplish more. While I shut down the last business so I could take care of my grandson (who had heart surgery at six weeks old), I turned instead to writing reviews.

I thought it would be fun to express my opinion about products I used. However, living in the stress lane meant I ramped it up way too much.

Between the allergies and the writing, I stopped taking care of myself. I had some physical issues which changed my diet dramatically and not for the better. After gall bladder surgery, I ended up with only a short list of about ten items I could eat. To give you an idea, two of those were soda crackers and graham crackers. No vegetables, no fruits, very little protein. I could tolerate some soft green salad mixes but only with vinegar.

Between stress and malnutrition diet, I was an accident waiting to happen. I was finally diagnosed with GERD and put on medicine which allowed me to eat once again after four years. It wasn’t that I ate too much, it was that I was eating at all that put twenty pounds on me within three months.

So there I was, overweight, stressed but finally able to eat some foods (not all, I still have a short list but it includes some good foods as well.) All it took was the administration of a drug that I can’t tolerate to almost kill me. When a doctor looks you in the eye and tells you to quickly get your affairs in order, you take it seriously. Especially if you are in the hospital and one step away from being put on a ventilator.

I was thankful to have that opportunity to reconnect with my younger brother. We had been living estranged for way too long. I could not bear the idea that he would have to live (after I died) thinking we should have made up our differences.

So, there I was, in the hospital while they ran every test they could think of and administered massive doses of medicines that might help. The thing is, I didn’t die. I got better (relatively.) I was able to go home after a nine day stay but on oxygen and weak as can be.

While we still are working through it all and figuring out what type of life we will live, the thing is that, for the first time in decades, my stress level is gone. I take each day as it comes. I don’t worry about tomorrow. I’m finding all the lower level tasks that would have been enjoyable now fill my day to the level I want and can cope with.

What changed wasn’t just my life’s circumstances. It wasn’t as if I had an epiphany about how to deal with life. Left to my own inclinations, I would probably ramp back up with stress and problems.

Instead, I looked to my Creator and started living the life He wanted for me. I look each day for what I am to do based on His will and His way. Somedays are busier than others but that works out okay. It is never too much or too hard. In some ways, I am being stretched in ways I never thought I would do. Those have turned out to be the most satisfactory work (other than raising my children) that I have every accomplished.

God wants the best for each of us. That begins with understanding the need for and the acceptance of the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Once we are aligned with God spiritually, He can do wonderful things in our lives despite the circumstances we find ourselves in.

That doesn’t mean life is a bed of roses. Sometimes, it is far from that. It means that He can give us the ability to live through trying times and still find the joy and peace and thankfulness that comes from Him and Him alone.

I’m so thankful to be alive and to be living a life that has meaning and purpose. I now give thanks in all my circumstances knowing that God has His plan for me and it is unfolding in beautiful and wonderful fashion. Each day is a gift that is not to be taken lightly. Each night is a time for reflection and rest. My life is full and I am so happy to be able to share it with you. My prayer is that you will find it helpful to you as you search for or walk with the Lord.

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”