Month: May 2018

Breathing is something that most of us take for granted. I know that I did up until early November of 2017. Everything changed for me in what seemed like a blink of an eye.

It actually took a couple of weeks between being given a drug at the dentist (which was noted that I should never have) that caused bronchial spasms (along with aspirating water) for the pneumonia to take over and, when exposed to something I was allergic to, a severe allergic reaction to shut down and damage my lungs. I went from having good lungs to having advanced lung disease. Currently, I’m battling a second onset of pneumonia, this time caused by cottonwood pollen and perhaps soy and wheat, we’re not completely sure.

We’re still trying to work out a way for me to get around and somehow wean off oxygen but in the meantime, I am extremely thankful that both 24/7 and portable oxygen units are available for my use. While today has been challenging so far for me, I know that God has a plan for me and I will be following where he leads.

God breathed the breath of life into his creation, Adam. With that breath, the history of mankind was born. Can you image how beautiful and fantastic those first times were? The world made completely perfect, so perfect there was no need for rain. The ecosystem allowed plants and animals and man to grow and flourish.

The only problem was that Adam needed his mate. God created Eve from Adam. I’ve wondered why Adam was made from the elements but Eve from Adam. I’ve wondered if the entire history of perfect genetic code was in Adam and by separating Eve from him, the code was then available to both and thus every person since has been a derivative of the perfection that was made originally.

The setting was idyllic, the company superb. Can you image walking with God in the garden? Everything was available to them and Adam had been put in charge of the whole world.

There was just one rule. A small one. Simply, do not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If they did, they would certainly die.

Adam and Eve were just like us, given free-will. Where they were different is that they were spiritually alive and communed with God. Even so, the temptation to break the one rule proved too much. With their sin of disobedience, death entered the world. Spiritual death was immediate and passed through to all generations. Physical death also came to be. God himself had to sacrifice animals to make clothes for his creation man to cover their nakedness.

Ever since, it seems like mankind has been trying to find a way live and flourish without having God be part of it. According to C.S. Lewis “All that we call human history – money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery – is the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy.”

There has been one great exception and that is the history which is told in the Bible. According to Paul, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” 2 Timothy 3:16.

The Bible is the revelation of God’s plan: the creation, the fall, how to live before a just God and, finally, the redemption of mankind by Jesus Christ. Just as God breathed the breath of life into us, he also breathed the breath of new life into the Scriptures. It is his love story to us. It tells us how and where we began and how and where we will be in eternity.

When faced with issues, I pray and I seek God in his Word. There is no issue too big for God to handle nor too small for God to have overlooked. His answer is complete.

God choose a nation to record his history. He created them from a single man, Abraham, who walked with God. It isn’t that the Israelites didn’t also try to turn from God time and time again; the Bible tells us over and over how they wanted to turn back to Egypt or had stopped listening to God and fell victim to conquerors. It’s that they turned back to God when things went wrong. And God was good and just and loving and forgave them and helped them.

Because of his great love, he sent his Son to save the human race from their sins. Without Jesus, we would all have been lost forever. The Old Testament is the history that shows the need for a savior and which also contains his redemptive promise and the prophesies which told us how to recognize the Savior when he appeared.

The New Testament is the life, death and resurrection of Jesus, his directions for life everlasting, the actions which began his church, the studies which give us instructions for our daily life and, finally, the view of what eternity with Jesus as King will be like.

All of this because God so loved us; he did not want to have eternity without us.

He is as just and good and loving today. He wants to forgive you, he already has. He wants to help you.

If you, like me, are facing issues today. Whether they are physical like mine, emotional or spiritual, now is the time to ask God for help. Sometimes we don’t know what we are burdened by. For Christians, the Holy Spirit knows and can translate your groans to prayers to God for what you need. For non-Christians, seeking God is a good thing. Ask him to reveal himself through the saving power of Jesus Christ. Ask for help with your problems as well.

The answer is there, in prayer and in the Bible. The thing is, we often think we know what the answer should be, only to discover we were totally wrong. Because we want something doesn’t mean that it is what is good and right for us. What is good and right is what God will provide.

As you breathe today, think about where the wonderful breath of life originally began. Think of all the beauty and perfection that will one day reign. Know that those who will be there will be there because they made the free-will choice to accept Jesus and to follow him. According to the psalmist, Psalms 150:6, Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD.

For me, when I have days where I am struggling with breath, I know that one day I will breathe easily again. That hope and certainty allows me to look beyond the here and now. Eternity awaits and I hope to see you in heaven with me. With this breathe and with my last, I say, Praise the Lord.

Genesis 2:7 Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

I’ve always been interested in crafts and other hobbies but the hobby that has endured and remains my favorite is reading. Over the years, my tastes have changed and, currently, my favorite genre is mystery. I also like some suspense and thriller style action books.

I think that what appeals to me most, about mysteries, is that I feel as if I am part of the story. I can solve the whodunnit along with the current sleuth. Solving the crime involves looking for missing pieces and trying to put the jumble together for the solution. I feel a bit cheated if the mystery is solved in the last moment by a drop of information that no one could ever have foreseen.

Life is somewhat like a mystery too. We try to solve problems or questions every day. There are inherent questions that each of us struggle with, too. Who am I? Why am I here? What made me? Where will I go when I leave this life? Is there something more out there? It’s been that way throughout time, as each generation lives its life and is replaced by another. We all want to know if there is some higher purpose, if we are more that what is plainly seen by all.

I know, for myself, that the inherent me is the same as it has always been. I am the same person now that I have been my whole life. I have learned much and so my thoughts are more mature but I still know that the little girl I once was is still right here.

I have always wanted to solve things. One of my favorite things to do as a child (and still as an adult) is to put together a puzzle. In a sense, puzzles are also a mystery. You need to solve the disorder to complete it. There’s something extremely satisfying about taking a jumble and turning it into a picture that makes sense in a disorderly world.

Nothing frustrates me quite as much as working on a 1,000 piece puzzle only to find that, even though it was brand new, it is missing a piece. To me, even though I had put in all the effort to solve it to that point, my time was wasted and the result is useless.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could just pick up all the pieces of our lives and spend a few hours putting them together and making life whole and complete? The unfortunate thing is that there is an important piece missing in all of our lives. We are born in a sinful state and our spiritual place of communion with God is empty. Without that piece, there will be a semblance of order and completeness but there will be a hole where a necessary piece is empty.

It’s no wonder that the world is in disorder and is full of frustrated, confused and even hateful people. The piece that is missing is the one that shows true love. We think we know what love is but only Jesus was able and willing to show the world what true love really meant. Even though he was born and lived without sin, he was willing to take on the sins of everyone (yes, you too) and to take on their punishment and die in their place.

That is true love. That while each of us were filled with hate and disobedience, while we were ready to kill him ourselves rather than admit our own sin, he loved each of us (yes, you too) so much that he wanted to give us a way out of our confused and broken lives.

You see, Jesus is the missing piece of our lives puzzle. Through him, our connection with God will be complete and we will be made whole. Without him, all our efforts are wasted and the result is useless. With him as our savior, we are complete and the mystery is solved.

Once the connection with God is made, the answers to the questions we all ask are answered.

Who am I? I am a beloved child of God. So special and dear to him, he knows how many hairs I have on my head.

Why am I here? To show God’s love to others and to show myself pleasing to my Creator and to do the tasks that he sets before me.

What made me? God made me. He says he created my inmost being; and knit me together in my mother’s womb

Where will I go when I leave this life? I will spend eternity in heaven with other Christ-followers glorifying God.

Is there something more out there? Yes, there is much “out there”. Heaven and Hell. A place of eternal peace, love and fellowship with God and a place of eternal damnation cut off from God. Eternity with our Creator or an agonizing and timeless eternity separation from God and of pain and suffering.

If you are looking at your life and wondering where the missing piece is, you can find it at last. If you are trying to solve the mysteries of life, the clues that make the whodunnit of creation are here right in front of you.

God wants to have a relationship with you. He wants to show you the love he holds for you. He created everything and everyone but he wants you, especially, to find fellowship with him.

Jesus says that he stands at the door of our hearts and knocks. If you ask him in, he will come in forevermore. He will put the pieces of life back together. Life won’t be perfect but you will have peace. Perfection awaits for you in heaven. Here, you have to live life with all of its ups and downs. But you don’t have to live it all alone. You don’t have to struggle with questions of why and how and where.

Asking Jesus to take control of you life is simple. He doesn’t require extraordinary efforts. He doesn’t want you to earn it. He wants to give it to you for free. Right where you are, no matter how broken you are, no matter what awful things you have done or thought. He wants to help you make sense of your life.

All you have to do is tell God that you know that you are a sinner, that you have not lived a perfect life. Acknowledge that Jesus, as the Son of God, did live a sinless life and that he went to the cross to carry your sins. That he died for you and rose again to new life. That he is your Savior by taking your punishment and that you want to share with him in his new and eternal life. Ask him to come live in your heart and to guide through all the days to come.

That’s it. That’s all. With that, your missing piece is found. You connection to God is made whole. Your mysteries are solved. Your life will now make sense and, as each day passes, you will come to rely more and more on God to hold your hand and lead your way.

Romans 10: 9-13 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile — the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Life is precious and it goes by so quickly. I remember when I was little, it seemed as if time barely moved. I couldn’t wait to be older and to be able to do whatever I wanted (oh, for the innocence of youth!) I had two older sisters, an older brother and a younger brother. While we were not a close knit group, when we were young children, we had a camaraderie that worked well for us.

I was the fourth of the five and had a gap of five years between myself and my little brother. I remember when he came home from the hospital. I was so entranced by him. I wanted to touch his hands and feet and to kiss his little cheek. I was allowed to hold him on my lap only when my mother was present. It was so thrilling and wonderful to have such a lovely little one to hold and love.

When he was six months old, we moved from Santa Monica, CA to Lancaster. At that time, Lancaster was a really small desert community that was just at its beginning. My mother was home (having been laid off from her job) and my father worked back at the shore. He stayed there during the week and would come to visit only on the weekends (and not everyone at that.)

It was a wonderful and peaceful time. You see, my father physically abused my mother. I can remember, all too clearly, him knocking her down and unconscious. I remember how frightening it was and how I wanted to hurt him for hurting her. I felt so little and helpless. I thought if I were a big girl, I could stop it.

So, the year we spent in Lancaster was calm and serene compared to our life before. My best playmate was my little brother. I was in kindergarten in the morning and would rush home after half-day to spend the rest of the time with him and my mother. We planted a garden together, had a dog and my brother and I would bang pots and pans and play peek-a-boo.

My oldest sister was a wonderful girl. She was more like a mother to me, even though she was only 7 years older. She would help me with my problems, quiet my fears and keep my middle sister from picking on me. I shared a room with the middle sister and when she wasn’t pleased with me, she would boot me out of the bed that we shared. I knew that my oldest sister would let me sleep in her room across the foot of her twin size bed.

My older brother was a good brother at that time. It would be years before he became enmeshed in the drug culture of the time. In the earlier days, he would play catch with me and would show me all the cool things he was learning how to do. I was pretty much entranced by all of it.

My middle sister was the cool one. She was always trying to be on trend, which was difficult because we didn’t have much money. After my parents split up and my father left the state rather than pay child support, we were actually fairly poor. Even so, my sister could always find a way to make almost nothing look wonderful, desirable and cool. I remember ironing her hair to get it straight and helping zip her into way too small a size of shorts. Even though she and I had our squabbles, when I was a child, I wanted to be like her.

So, our life was good that year. We moved back to Santa Monica the next year. I don’t know why, I didn’t ask questions back then, I just let life happen to me. We left behind the beautiful house and the dog and moved back into a three bedroom apartment with my parents in one room, my brothers in another and my sisters and I in the third one.

Sadly, the abuse began again in earnest. My father didn’t just shove her around, he actively hit her with fists and certainly slapped her often enough. My mother had five kids, worked a full time job and had to also be his wife. I know it had to be too much for her. Her outlet, unfortunately, was in abusing her children.

I don’t like to think about the abuse. It got worse when my parents split up and she was left with four kids. My oldest sister had just married, my older brother and middle sister were involved in the drug scene and my younger brother was only a little boy. So, a lot of the abuse fell on me.

I remember reading a book that talked about a whipping boy and I realized that I was that to my mother. She could (and did) say vile and hurtful things. She could (and did) take all of her frustrations out on me. I would not object, I would not cry, I would not beg her to stop. My middle sister told me to do so because it would make her stop. I found out later that my mother had tried the same abuse with her and it stopped when my sister threatened to hit her back.

I couldn’t do that. I remembered reading in the Bible (back when I was in Sunday School years before), that we had to honor our mother. So, no matter what, I would take it without complaint.

There were so many times, it seems countless looking back. One time in particular does stand out. It was when she repeatedly bashed the back of my skull against a porcelain clad sink until it cracked the surface of the porcelain. It so angered her that she beat me almost senseless and then cut off my hair so I would look unattractive. My older brother was there and I remember her telling him that it was important to never hit me in the face where others would see the bruises. I remember wondering why she would say that to him.

It became clear soon when I found out that she had ordained him to punish me because he was stronger and she could not hit me hard enough. Not that she stopped, she just added him in as well. That started an even worse period in my life that will be, God willing, another entry in this blog. However, it is not for now.

When I was finally old enough, at eighteen, a full year out of high school for me, I got a job as a waitress and moved out, hoping to never return again. It turned out that when my mother had cancer, I ended up moving back in with her for a year so I could pay living expenses and to keep her from returning back to live in the projects with my little brother. I could not bear for him to live in that place. Once she was on her feet again, she moved to Oregon and I moved closer to work.

I met and married my first husband and had three children. As our marriage fell apart, I found myself punishing my children when I was angry at him. I was so frightened that I would turn into the abuser my mother had been. I asked God to help me and he led me to a therapist. I was able to talk about my fears and issues, which unsurprisingly, were of both my parents more so than my ex-husband. She gave me a number to call if I felt like harming my children, told me that she didn’t believe I would and that what I had done so far was not abusive. I knew in my heart and told her that any time you spank a child because you are angry at someone else, it is abuse.

I went home with the number in my purse, told the children I needed their help. If I said, go to your room, no back talk, just do it. Mommy was mad at someone else and needed quiet time. I then prayed and asked God to help me. From that day on, I never had a problem again. My elder daughter and son told me my younger one could have used a few spankings but since I felt like I could not control myself, it could not happen.

My elder daughter now has two children of her own. She and her husband are raising them wonderfully. They are Christians and their children go to church along with them pretty much every week. Such beautiful children and such loving parents.

I’m sure my younger daughter, if she someday has children, will be a good mother as well. I’ve told them both, please be a better mother than I was. I was better than my mother but not good enough. My one regret in life is that I could have raised my children better and enjoyed life with them more.

In later years, my mother and I were able to somewhat mend our differences. It was after she also became a Christian. While we were never close, we had reconciled by the time she passed away. While she was not a good mother to me, she was a wonderful and loving grandmother to all of my children. My daughters’ memories of her are beautiful and deservedly so. I honored my mother during the bad times and I honored her during the better times. I know that one day we will meet in heaven again and love each other the way we should have done so during this life.

If you had a wonderful mother, you are really blessed. You should thank God for it every day and not just on Mother’s Day. If you, like me, had a mother who was not wonderful and in some cases much less than that, remember, if you cry out to God and with His help and guidance, you can be a better parent. You can stop whatever abusive behavior that you may have learned. You can strive to be the mother that God called us to honor. The one that your children will count as a blessing in their lives.

Proverbs 31:25-31 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

These days, when I wake up each morning, I make a conscience decision to follow Jesus. There are many distractions that can alter my course throughout the day, so every morning, it is time to right myself and look to God to provide His plan for me.

It hasn’t always been that way for me. I would allow other things, worries and temptations, to take my focus and before I knew it, months and even years would pass without my having given thought to where my walk with God was to take me. I was a Christian and I would certainly pray from time to time, but getting right down to what God wanted versus what I wanted was something I rarely did.

I became a born-again Christian at age 18. While I would love to say I have lived for God ever since, that would be a lie. For decades, I lived for my family and, mostly, for myself. It wasn’t as if I was rushing headlong into destruction. I was gliding towards it, allowing myself to slowly but surely justify things of the world that I knew (in my heart of hearts) were wrong not only for me as a Christian, but for individuals, societies, countries and the world. In other words, sin. Anything that doesn’t measure up to the perfection of God, no matter how big or how small, is a sin.

Every once in a while, something in my life would jolt me back to an awareness of the gift Jesus had given me and that I needed to walk a better Christian life. And so, for a season, I would until I started to forget once again.

It was by the grace of God that I insisted that my children attend a Christian school for many years. When that avenue closed for us, the children started attending Youth Group at a local church. With this, my children were exposed to, confronted with, and saved by the sacrifice and love of Jesus Christ.

For myself, I moved from gliding into sin to embracing it with open arms. Still in the back of my mind, I could hear the Holy Spirit telling me to back off and come back to where I belonged. On several occasions, I willfully decided to do what I wanted to do regardless of the consequences. And there were consequences.

During the time my life was spiraling out of control, I met my now husband. He, like I, was a backsliding Christian. It seemed like we were made for one another, though Christianity seemed to be not so high on either of our lists. We married and life was generally good. We both were giving in to desires of greed in getting whatever we wanted without saving and planning for the future. Our kids were fairly happy but there was something missing in our lives.

I remember my son came home from a summer session with his Youth Group and was so excited to tell us that he had dedicated his life to Jesus. He was ready to do whatever was asked of him. I’m sorry to say that I listened, brushed it off with something like “that sounds good” and completely forgot about it.

That is until about a year later when he became ill. Once we knew what was wrong with him and that the odds were heavily stacked against him, my only thought and question to him was, “Are you saved?”

It seems weird to me now that I didn’t already know this about my three children but I did know that it was the most important thing to find out at the time. My son reminded me that he was and that God was now using him as he had offered.

His illness and death brought me back to the Lord in a mighty way. I was broken in a way that could never be repaired and, apart from my family, there was no solace for me anywhere but with God. So I turned back to Him.

Walking the Christian walk takes work. It is like working a muscle. If you stop exercising and eating properly, your muscle will lose definition and get loose and useless. You will still have the muscle but it won’t be good for much.

Being an effective Christian means exercising your faith by doing God’s will and eating right is consuming the Word of God, the Holy Bible. If you aren’t doing these, then your Christianity will slowly become fairly useless in God’s plan for your life.

If you are doing one or the other, you will either be effective in your works but won’t grow in your walk without being nurtured in the Word or you will have great understanding of the Word but won’t be doing the mission Jesus left us which is to preach the gospel throughout the world.

Even after all that we went through with my son and my (and my husband’s) reawakening to Christ, it was still easy to let things of the world slowly take over.

I was drifting into a state where the good opinion of others was something I sought more than I sought my Father. What was worse is my husband, in an effort to help me, began to care about this as well. We had started making efforts to change our lives but those efforts were not Christ centered and were fairly ineffective.

We Christians all go through this cycle, some to a greater degree (like myself) and some to a lesser degree. It has to do with the distractions and temptations of the world. It’s so easy to fall back into an on-going sinful state. It’s also so easy, with the Internet, to bring sin right into your home.

This time, it was my illness that brought our lives to a halt and made us realize that our walk with Christ had, once again, fallen by the wayside and was being trampled.

It was during the first few weeks of my illness that I was confronted by the Holy Spirit. I was told that I needed to do the work that God had set forward for me. Though it was up to me, with the help of both the new church we started attending online and my husband, to figure out what that work was and when and where to start (here and now was pretty much the answer to that one.)

While I’m still on the mend and will see what life is going to be in the future, I’m very happy with where and what our lives have become. We’ve found a great church on-line, they’ve created their first on-line Bible study (just when I needed it), my husband and I are praying together often throughout the day, and we are both reading our Bibles in a set plan for the year.

More than that, I am finally doing what God has asked me to do. I begin to feel like I am finally growing as a Christian. It reminds me of the vegetable garden I love to grow each year. I sow the seeds, water them, pull weeds and feed them. Eventually, the plants grow and begin to blossom and bear their fruit for me to eat. From each seed, many meals can be enhanced. With enough seeds, banquets can be made.

I think of myself as a single seed that is finally sprouting. The thorns which have choked me for decades have finally been pushed aside. As I continue to grow and reach towards the Son, I am fed and nurtured by the Word of God. My prayer is that someday soon the fruit of the Spirit that is finally beginning to show in my life will be pleasing to my Father.

Matthew 13:18-23 “Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path. The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.